"Well, this certainly bizarre."
Seana Mullen closed her cell phone. She had just received a disturbing message on her voicemail from Kate Luther, Emily's younger sister. The message was garbled, as if Kate was calling her from from the back of a pickup truck going 120 km down the TransCanada Highway. The jist of the message was that Kate's father, Brian Luther, was missing and that Kate was on her way to Vancouver. Kate couldn't get hold of Emily, so she wanted Seana to meet her in Abbotsford, early the next morning.
"What's bizarre?" Seana jumped slightly. Her boyfriend, Lee had mysteriously appeared behind her.
"Oh! I didn't know you were home." Lee was a pilot for Air Canada. She was used to him not being around very much. "Kate just left a highly disturbing message on my voicemail. Apparently, Brian E. Luther, Chartered Accountant, is missing."
Lee rolled his eyes. "Oh no. I've had enough of hearing about your crazy friends and their weird adventures."
Seana was shocked and somewhat appalled by his attitude. "What do you mean? This is a very serious situation!"
"Well, ever since we moved out to Vancouver, strange events keep unfolding. And your friends are a bunch of freaks. I mean, bounty hunters, superheroes, crazed movie stars, rapstar bodyguards, gay men with tennis racket fettishes and most appalling of all, a human helicopter!!! I mean, come on! Don't you find all of this to be a bit strange?" Lee wandered over to the bookcase. "I think it's time for drastic action." He pulled a thick volume down from the top shelf.
Seana's jaw dropped in alarm as she saw the title of the scariest book she had ever seen in her life. It was Dr. Phil's Relationship Rescue. Lee was a big fan of Dr. Phil, but he only referred to THE BOOK when things were desperate.
"Let's see what Dr. Phil has to say about this..."
Seana snorted. "As if that idiot has anything to say about our relationship."
"Well, actually, there is a chapter on this very type of situation..." Lee wasd silent as he skimmed the chapter. "Yes, my dear, this is what you would call a deal-breaker."
"What the hell are you talking about?!" Seana couldn't believe that he was serious. She had given him that book a few years ago, as a joke. She was alarmed to see him referring to it as if it were some sort of gospel.
Lee sighed. "I have to get back to work tonight. I have a flight to Botswana and back. I will return in a few days. Upon my return, I think it would be a good idea if we went to see Dr.Phil. And I must insist that your pack of weirdoes join us. If anyone has the answer to this psycopathy, it's Philly." Lee closed the book and returned it carefully to the bookshelf.
For once in her life, Seana was speechless. Lee was usually quite tolerant of her shenanigans. Could this be the end of their relationship?
Her thoughts were interrupted by the appearance of a jolly man in a chef's uniform, carrying a large platter of cooked cow carcass. "Who wants some...MEAT?????"
"Hi Dave." Seana said. She wasn't surprised to see him. The movie business in Vancouver was quite slow right now, so Dave often amused himself by popping over to his friends' homes and cooking them large quantities of meat.
"Hey, why'do you two look so cobby? Chef Dave is in the house, and there's lots of MEAT to EAT!!!"
Lee gave Seana a meaningful look. "This type of silliness is exactly what I was talking about. Soon, you will see that I'm not the only one who feels this way." He took a large piece of filet mignon from the platter Dave was holding, and took a bite. "I gotta go get ready for work. See you in a few days. Bye Dave." Lee went into the bedroom.
Seana sighed and lit a cigarette. Sometimes Lee was too uptight for his own good. So what if her friends were a little weird? At least they knew how to have fun!
Dave thrust the plate of carcass under her nose. "EAT!!!" he commanded.
Seana took a shiskabob, and began to thoughtfully munch on it.
"What's got Lingaloo's panties in a knot?" Dave demanded.
"Dunno. Mmmm. This is delicious. You are a true wizard with a barbreque and cow carcass."
"Thank you!" Dave beamed. "I'm going over to Warner's house. Wanna come with me? I'm going to set up a fire pit on the roof and roast a warthog."
"Sounds like fun." Seana took the platter of MEAT from Dave and put it in the fridge, and they left.
After the door shut, a shadowy figure stealthily emerged from the closet. "Meat!!!!!!" he hissed. It had been hours since he had last feasted. The sinister figure opened the fridge and pulled out the plate of freshly cooked carcass. He caressed the chunks of meat lovingly before finally opening its mouth and tipping the contents of the platter into it's gaping maw. He swallowed the meat in one gulp. "Meat good!" he hissed before scampering out onto the balcony. He perched on the railing of the balcony for a few seconds before slithering down the side of the building and disappearing into the night.
Thursday, January 05, 2006
Hurlyburly - The Continuing Tragic Saga - Chapter 4
Chapter 4
"Hey Jan, how's Mexico?" Kate Luther asked into her cell phone as she rode the bus towards the University of Alberta. Her father, Brian, and her stepmother, Jan, had left Edmonton a few days earlier for some fun in the sun at an all-inclusive adult swingers resort. Kate wanted to see how their trip was going, but she also wanted to check on Brian to make sure he wasn't drinking too much. He had really gotten into the scotch lately. She had called them on Jan's cell phone so that she could ask her about it.
"Mexico?" Jan asked in her prestigious British accent. "Kate, have you been smoking marijuana again? What in Sam Hill are you talking about?"
"Um, I think you must be the one smoking marijuana Jan," Kate said, giggling. "I'm asking how your trip to Mexico is going!"
"Kate, seriously. Don't play silly bugger. What makes you think I'm in Mexico?"
"Well you're not here, you and Dad left a few days ago for Mexico, didn't you?" Kate asked, getting worried now.
"Where did you get that from?" Jan asked. "I'm in Las Vegas with Maureen! She's looking for a new man. Look, this is bollocks, I don't have time for this. I'm completely knackered after gambling and drinking and groping male strippers all day."
Maureen was Jan's sister, and she was a bit of a wild woman. She enjoyed carousing and picking up men. Kate could only imagine what the two of them would get up to in Vegas.
"Are you serious Jan?" Kate asked. "If you're in Las Vegas, then where the hell is Brian? I was by the house the other night at like midnight, and his car was gone. The house was completely empty."
"Really?" Jan asked. "Well that's disturbing. I wonder where he went. He has been acting a little weird lately, he's been drinking about a bottle of scotch a day. Maybe you should go over to the house and see if there are any clues as to his whereabouts. He probably just went on a little adventure. But I don't know why he would lie to you about Mexico."
"Okay, I'll go over and take a look," Kate sighed.
They hung up and Kate decided to skip school and head out to St. Albert, a suburb of Edmonton, where her parents' house was. She had to get to the bottom of this. She hopped out of the moving bus and landed on the roof of a Honda Accord going the opposite way. The Honda seemed to be headed towards St. Albert Trail. She sat and relaxed on the roof, and pulled a history textbook out of her pocket to do some reading on the trip.
When she got to the house, she noticed a few things she had not seen when she was there in the middle of the night. Brian's BMW was still gone from the driveway, but there was a bunch of purple tinsel-like debris all over the driveway, and at least 10 differently-sized handguns littered on the lawn. Kate was appalled.
She gathered up the guns and entered the house. In the front entranceway, there was tons of paper littered all over the ground. Much of it was covered with Brian's handwriting, but Kate could not read it because his handwriting was very bizarrely shaped. Most of the paper was also covered in a strange purple goo the texture of snot.
Then she noticed something interesting. There was a map of Canada taped up on the wall, and someone had highlighted the route from Edmonton to Vancouver. Kate wondered if that was where he had gone. Her older sister Emily lived there. Her brother Brice lived there part time as well, although at the moment he was in Botswana training to be a shaman.
Kate figured she needed to investigate this further. She left the house, skateboarded down to St. Albert trail and looked for a car going in the direction of the Yellowhead Trail, which would take her west, towards Vancouver.
"Hey Jan, how's Mexico?" Kate Luther asked into her cell phone as she rode the bus towards the University of Alberta. Her father, Brian, and her stepmother, Jan, had left Edmonton a few days earlier for some fun in the sun at an all-inclusive adult swingers resort. Kate wanted to see how their trip was going, but she also wanted to check on Brian to make sure he wasn't drinking too much. He had really gotten into the scotch lately. She had called them on Jan's cell phone so that she could ask her about it.
"Mexico?" Jan asked in her prestigious British accent. "Kate, have you been smoking marijuana again? What in Sam Hill are you talking about?"
"Um, I think you must be the one smoking marijuana Jan," Kate said, giggling. "I'm asking how your trip to Mexico is going!"
"Kate, seriously. Don't play silly bugger. What makes you think I'm in Mexico?"
"Well you're not here, you and Dad left a few days ago for Mexico, didn't you?" Kate asked, getting worried now.
"Where did you get that from?" Jan asked. "I'm in Las Vegas with Maureen! She's looking for a new man. Look, this is bollocks, I don't have time for this. I'm completely knackered after gambling and drinking and groping male strippers all day."
Maureen was Jan's sister, and she was a bit of a wild woman. She enjoyed carousing and picking up men. Kate could only imagine what the two of them would get up to in Vegas.
"Are you serious Jan?" Kate asked. "If you're in Las Vegas, then where the hell is Brian? I was by the house the other night at like midnight, and his car was gone. The house was completely empty."
"Really?" Jan asked. "Well that's disturbing. I wonder where he went. He has been acting a little weird lately, he's been drinking about a bottle of scotch a day. Maybe you should go over to the house and see if there are any clues as to his whereabouts. He probably just went on a little adventure. But I don't know why he would lie to you about Mexico."
"Okay, I'll go over and take a look," Kate sighed.
They hung up and Kate decided to skip school and head out to St. Albert, a suburb of Edmonton, where her parents' house was. She had to get to the bottom of this. She hopped out of the moving bus and landed on the roof of a Honda Accord going the opposite way. The Honda seemed to be headed towards St. Albert Trail. She sat and relaxed on the roof, and pulled a history textbook out of her pocket to do some reading on the trip.
When she got to the house, she noticed a few things she had not seen when she was there in the middle of the night. Brian's BMW was still gone from the driveway, but there was a bunch of purple tinsel-like debris all over the driveway, and at least 10 differently-sized handguns littered on the lawn. Kate was appalled.
She gathered up the guns and entered the house. In the front entranceway, there was tons of paper littered all over the ground. Much of it was covered with Brian's handwriting, but Kate could not read it because his handwriting was very bizarrely shaped. Most of the paper was also covered in a strange purple goo the texture of snot.
Then she noticed something interesting. There was a map of Canada taped up on the wall, and someone had highlighted the route from Edmonton to Vancouver. Kate wondered if that was where he had gone. Her older sister Emily lived there. Her brother Brice lived there part time as well, although at the moment he was in Botswana training to be a shaman.
Kate figured she needed to investigate this further. She left the house, skateboarded down to St. Albert trail and looked for a car going in the direction of the Yellowhead Trail, which would take her west, towards Vancouver.
Hurlyburly - The Continuing Tragic Saga - Chapter 3
Chapter 3
Andrea Warner was sitting on the deck of Bilby’s penthouse, enjoying the spectacular view of Stanley Park. The penthouse was quite lavish and took up the entire top floor of a high-rise condominium complex. They had bought it specifically because there was a helipad on the roof. She was happier than she had been in a very long time. Bilby was so kind and loving. And sexy. Their relationship was humming along smoothly, which was a nice change from her previous love affair.
Andrea had had a brief dalliance with Tom Cruise, a dalliance of doom. Tom had drugged her and tried to forcibly convert her to Scientology. She shuddered at the memory. Tom was now married to her good friend Hoagie and they lived on the exclusively homosexual island of Aborigene (which was turning into to quite the popular hotspot). Tom had undergone intensive deprogramming, and Andrea had forgiven him for his horrible actions, but there were times when his crazed, sharklike grin haunted her in her dreams.
She wished that Bilby were back from his Bounty Hunter Conference and Jamboree in Montana. She was drifting into a fantasy about Bilby’s long dong and what sexual tricks she would be able to play on it when she was interrupted by the sound of a helicopter landing a few feet away.
“Andrea!!!” Philseecopter wailed. “Is Bilby back yet?”
Andrea swallowed her irritation. Even though Philsee’s whining was often unbearable, she had to keep in mind that it must be difficult to be a human helicopter. “No, Philsee. He’ll be back on Friday.”
“Oh. I wish he would get back soon…I hate being a helicopter!” Suddenly, Philseecopter burst into tears. Andrea dashed out of the way before she got drenched. “I’m losing Greg! I can’t satisfy him, sexually. And I saw him with his head buried in a stranger’s lap earlier!!!!”
Philsee told her how he had been flying around the city, because he had nothing else to do when he had seen Greg performing an unspeakable action on the lead singer from Loverboy. “And, Greggy knows that’s my favourite band! How could he?”
Andrea awkwardly patted Philseecopter’s metal side. “Well, maybe you misread the situation. Greg’s usually a very patient man. And Bilby was going to see about getting a new magic wand from a shaman in Botswana. Cheer up, buckaroo! How about I feed you some ice cream.”
“Oh, Andrea, you always know how to make me feel better!” Philseecopter sniffled. “Everybody’s working for the weekend, everybody wants a new romance,” Philseecopter began pathetically singing to himself “everybody’s going off the deep end…OOOOOHHHHHH, GREG!!!!”
The situation was becoming much too pathetic, so Andrea went to the kitchen and ordered Munroe, Bilby’s butler, to pull a giant bucket of ice cream out of the walk-in freezer. As she waited for Munroe to load the ice cream onto a dolly, she glanced out the window. Far below, she noticed a strange, shadowy figure scampering across the front lawn of the condo. He seemed to be engaged in some sort of interpretive dance to music that only he could hear. It was not unusual to see a lot of freaks wandering around this area, but for some reason, this sighting unsettled her.
“Miss Warner, the ice cream is ready to be transported to Master Philseeccopter.” Munroe’s clipped British accent distracted her from the shadowy figure’s bizarre, but entrancing dance.
“Thank you, Munroe.” Andrea pulled a garden shovel out of her pocket. Before leaving the kitchen, she glanced outside. To her dismay, the dancing freak was gone.
“AAAAAnnnnnnndddddrrrrreeeeaaaaaaaa!!!!!” Philseecopter was whining again.
“Coming, you big baby!” Andrea shouted and made her way to comfort the helicopter.
Andrea Warner was sitting on the deck of Bilby’s penthouse, enjoying the spectacular view of Stanley Park. The penthouse was quite lavish and took up the entire top floor of a high-rise condominium complex. They had bought it specifically because there was a helipad on the roof. She was happier than she had been in a very long time. Bilby was so kind and loving. And sexy. Their relationship was humming along smoothly, which was a nice change from her previous love affair.
Andrea had had a brief dalliance with Tom Cruise, a dalliance of doom. Tom had drugged her and tried to forcibly convert her to Scientology. She shuddered at the memory. Tom was now married to her good friend Hoagie and they lived on the exclusively homosexual island of Aborigene (which was turning into to quite the popular hotspot). Tom had undergone intensive deprogramming, and Andrea had forgiven him for his horrible actions, but there were times when his crazed, sharklike grin haunted her in her dreams.
She wished that Bilby were back from his Bounty Hunter Conference and Jamboree in Montana. She was drifting into a fantasy about Bilby’s long dong and what sexual tricks she would be able to play on it when she was interrupted by the sound of a helicopter landing a few feet away.
“Andrea!!!” Philseecopter wailed. “Is Bilby back yet?”
Andrea swallowed her irritation. Even though Philsee’s whining was often unbearable, she had to keep in mind that it must be difficult to be a human helicopter. “No, Philsee. He’ll be back on Friday.”
“Oh. I wish he would get back soon…I hate being a helicopter!” Suddenly, Philseecopter burst into tears. Andrea dashed out of the way before she got drenched. “I’m losing Greg! I can’t satisfy him, sexually. And I saw him with his head buried in a stranger’s lap earlier!!!!”
Philsee told her how he had been flying around the city, because he had nothing else to do when he had seen Greg performing an unspeakable action on the lead singer from Loverboy. “And, Greggy knows that’s my favourite band! How could he?”
Andrea awkwardly patted Philseecopter’s metal side. “Well, maybe you misread the situation. Greg’s usually a very patient man. And Bilby was going to see about getting a new magic wand from a shaman in Botswana. Cheer up, buckaroo! How about I feed you some ice cream.”
“Oh, Andrea, you always know how to make me feel better!” Philseecopter sniffled. “Everybody’s working for the weekend, everybody wants a new romance,” Philseecopter began pathetically singing to himself “everybody’s going off the deep end…OOOOOHHHHHH, GREG!!!!”
The situation was becoming much too pathetic, so Andrea went to the kitchen and ordered Munroe, Bilby’s butler, to pull a giant bucket of ice cream out of the walk-in freezer. As she waited for Munroe to load the ice cream onto a dolly, she glanced out the window. Far below, she noticed a strange, shadowy figure scampering across the front lawn of the condo. He seemed to be engaged in some sort of interpretive dance to music that only he could hear. It was not unusual to see a lot of freaks wandering around this area, but for some reason, this sighting unsettled her.
“Miss Warner, the ice cream is ready to be transported to Master Philseeccopter.” Munroe’s clipped British accent distracted her from the shadowy figure’s bizarre, but entrancing dance.
“Thank you, Munroe.” Andrea pulled a garden shovel out of her pocket. Before leaving the kitchen, she glanced outside. To her dismay, the dancing freak was gone.
“AAAAAnnnnnnndddddrrrrreeeeaaaaaaaa!!!!!” Philseecopter was whining again.
“Coming, you big baby!” Andrea shouted and made her way to comfort the helicopter.
Hurlyburly - The Continuing Tragic Saga - Chapter 2
Chapter 2
Greg Polakoff was annoyed, and slightly appalled.
He was starting to realize he would have to break up with his beautiful boyfriend, and the thought depressed him. He had been dating Philip Seymour Hoffman for about 3 months now, and it had gone well in a lot of ways. The problem was the sex.
You see, gentle reader, Philip and Greg had met during a dramatic rescue of one of Greg's best friends, Andrea Warner. During the rescue, Philip's partner, Billy Bob Thornton, had pulled out a magic wand and turned Philip into a helicopter so that they could escape a yacht that was about to explode. Which was fine, but during all the drama, Billy Bob had somehow misplaced the magic wand. So unfortunately, Philsee was now a helicopter permanently.
Greg had tried to make it work. At first he was overjoyed that Philsee had picked him over his best friend, Mikey, who had also been extremely interested in Philsee. Apparently Philsee was uncomfortable with Mikey's unusual habit of slapping his penis with a tennis racket when the mood struck him.
Greg and Philsee had had a lot of fun together in the beginning. Philsee had taken him on scenic rides over the coast mountains, and sometimes longer trips, like to visit Hoagie on the beautiful, exclusively homosexual island of Aborigene.
They just couldn't get the sexual aspect to work. The main problem was that Philsee was really just a helicopter with a head. He didn't have much feeling in his interior. He could give Greg blowjobs, or Greg could rub his tallywhacker on Philsee's seats or steering wheel, but Philsee always just ended up getting frustrated because he could not really experience true pleasure. Eventually it got so that Philseecopter didn't want sex at all. And that was something Greg couldn't handle.
He was thinking about all this while walking down the street to meet his friend Emily. They were meeting for a drink at the Fountainhead, a quaint neighbourhood gay bar on Davie Street. He figured he would ask Emily for some advice on how to end it with Philsee. He felt so bad for Philsee; the guy would probably have a hard time finding another boyfriend, since he was a helicopter. Not many guys would be that accepting.
As he walked towards the bar, he saw Emily sitting on the patio, but she was not alone. She had with her a woman and a man Greg had never seen before. There was something about the man that intrigued him right away. It may have been his lustrous afro or the bright pink comb he was using to comb it.
"Hey Greg!" Emily called. He walked over and sat with them.
"Who are your friends?" Greg said seductively, looking at the sensual, charismatic afro-man. He noticed that the man was wearing red leather pants, and the crotch area of the pants seemed to be throbbing, becoming a brighter shade of red with each throb. It was hypnotizing.
"This is my friend Michelle, we went to high school together," Emily said.
"I don't give a shit about the snatch, who is this king I see before me?" Greg yelled. "Is it the Greek God Testocoles?"
"That's my boyfriend, Loverboy!" Michelle said protectively.
"Don't be a rude Gus, Greg," Emily warned.
"Loverboy? As in, 'Everybody's workin' for the weekend' Loverboy?" Greg said, eyeing Loverboy's magically throbbing crotch again.
"That's the one," Loverboy said smugly.
At that point, a thin, cloudy stream of drool exited the right corner of Greg's mouth and landed on Loverboy's right leg. Greg was making a noise that sounded a bit like a crazed hyena. He dropped to his knees and started licking his own drool off Loverboy's pants.
Emily had a flashback to when Greg and Mikey had first met Philsee. She was just glad that Mikey wasn't there with his tennis racket.
"Just what do you think you're doing!?" Michelle yelled, standing up. She pulled a hockey stick out of her pocket and was about to hit Greg over the head with it.
"Simmer down, all of you!" Emily yelled. "You're all out of control! Can't we just have a beer without this ridiculous behavior?"
Michelle and Greg both looked sheepish. "Sorry sorry sorry," Greg muttered under his breath as he got up of his knees. Michelle reluctantly put the hockey stick back in her pocket. She was still eyeing Greg suspiciously.
In the window of the Subway restaurant across the street, a shadowy figure watched the action at the Fountainhead with a smirk on his face. He was wolfing down a meatball sub menacingly, and he mumbled to himself as tomato sauce dripped down his chin.
"You may have put a temporary stop to the trouble, my sweet," He screeched. "But what you don't know is that the trouble is only beginning."
Greg Polakoff was annoyed, and slightly appalled.
He was starting to realize he would have to break up with his beautiful boyfriend, and the thought depressed him. He had been dating Philip Seymour Hoffman for about 3 months now, and it had gone well in a lot of ways. The problem was the sex.
You see, gentle reader, Philip and Greg had met during a dramatic rescue of one of Greg's best friends, Andrea Warner. During the rescue, Philip's partner, Billy Bob Thornton, had pulled out a magic wand and turned Philip into a helicopter so that they could escape a yacht that was about to explode. Which was fine, but during all the drama, Billy Bob had somehow misplaced the magic wand. So unfortunately, Philsee was now a helicopter permanently.
Greg had tried to make it work. At first he was overjoyed that Philsee had picked him over his best friend, Mikey, who had also been extremely interested in Philsee. Apparently Philsee was uncomfortable with Mikey's unusual habit of slapping his penis with a tennis racket when the mood struck him.
Greg and Philsee had had a lot of fun together in the beginning. Philsee had taken him on scenic rides over the coast mountains, and sometimes longer trips, like to visit Hoagie on the beautiful, exclusively homosexual island of Aborigene.
They just couldn't get the sexual aspect to work. The main problem was that Philsee was really just a helicopter with a head. He didn't have much feeling in his interior. He could give Greg blowjobs, or Greg could rub his tallywhacker on Philsee's seats or steering wheel, but Philsee always just ended up getting frustrated because he could not really experience true pleasure. Eventually it got so that Philseecopter didn't want sex at all. And that was something Greg couldn't handle.
He was thinking about all this while walking down the street to meet his friend Emily. They were meeting for a drink at the Fountainhead, a quaint neighbourhood gay bar on Davie Street. He figured he would ask Emily for some advice on how to end it with Philsee. He felt so bad for Philsee; the guy would probably have a hard time finding another boyfriend, since he was a helicopter. Not many guys would be that accepting.
As he walked towards the bar, he saw Emily sitting on the patio, but she was not alone. She had with her a woman and a man Greg had never seen before. There was something about the man that intrigued him right away. It may have been his lustrous afro or the bright pink comb he was using to comb it.
"Hey Greg!" Emily called. He walked over and sat with them.
"Who are your friends?" Greg said seductively, looking at the sensual, charismatic afro-man. He noticed that the man was wearing red leather pants, and the crotch area of the pants seemed to be throbbing, becoming a brighter shade of red with each throb. It was hypnotizing.
"This is my friend Michelle, we went to high school together," Emily said.
"I don't give a shit about the snatch, who is this king I see before me?" Greg yelled. "Is it the Greek God Testocoles?"
"That's my boyfriend, Loverboy!" Michelle said protectively.
"Don't be a rude Gus, Greg," Emily warned.
"Loverboy? As in, 'Everybody's workin' for the weekend' Loverboy?" Greg said, eyeing Loverboy's magically throbbing crotch again.
"That's the one," Loverboy said smugly.
At that point, a thin, cloudy stream of drool exited the right corner of Greg's mouth and landed on Loverboy's right leg. Greg was making a noise that sounded a bit like a crazed hyena. He dropped to his knees and started licking his own drool off Loverboy's pants.
Emily had a flashback to when Greg and Mikey had first met Philsee. She was just glad that Mikey wasn't there with his tennis racket.
"Just what do you think you're doing!?" Michelle yelled, standing up. She pulled a hockey stick out of her pocket and was about to hit Greg over the head with it.
"Simmer down, all of you!" Emily yelled. "You're all out of control! Can't we just have a beer without this ridiculous behavior?"
Michelle and Greg both looked sheepish. "Sorry sorry sorry," Greg muttered under his breath as he got up of his knees. Michelle reluctantly put the hockey stick back in her pocket. She was still eyeing Greg suspiciously.
In the window of the Subway restaurant across the street, a shadowy figure watched the action at the Fountainhead with a smirk on his face. He was wolfing down a meatball sub menacingly, and he mumbled to himself as tomato sauce dripped down his chin.
"You may have put a temporary stop to the trouble, my sweet," He screeched. "But what you don't know is that the trouble is only beginning."
Hurlyburly - The Continuing Tragic Saga - Chapter 1
Gentle Readers, if you enjoyed The Tragic Story of THE Andrea Warner, you will simply love the sequel, Hurlyburly. Find out what happens in the lives of the compelling characters you have grown to know and love, and meet some new and intriguing ones too. We will be revealing one chapter at a time, so try to contain your suspense. Here is Chapter 1 for your reading pleasure.
Chapter 1
Michelle Gatien was walking down Granville Street, when she saw him. She couldn’t believe her eyes. He was the sexiest being she had ever seen in her life. He was wearing an unusual outfit, but that only enhanced his appeal. Although he was in his late forties and was slightly rotund, his figure was definitely flattered by the skin-tight red leather pants he wore. His silky black shirt was partially unbuttoned, revealing a sparkly gold and diamond chain, slightly buried in his chest fur. His curly brown hair was styled in an afroesque fashion, and a bright red sweatband strategically placed on his forehead completed the look. Their eyes met, and Michelle’s body convulsed with a jolt of electricity. She found herself walking towards him. She didn’t make a habit of just walking up to strange men on the street, but she found she had no control over herself. It was as if the man had a giant magnet in his pocket: a magnet of lust that drew her closer and closer to him. Before she could completely process what was happening, she was standing before him. They stood facing each other less than a foot apart in the crowded street. Say something! She urged herself. If she didn’t act quickly, the moment would be lost forever!
“Hi, I’m Michelle.” She breathed in awe.
The man smiled. “Hello, Michelle. My name’s Mike, but you can call me Loverboy.” He took her hand in his and raised it to his lips.
Michelle swooned. No one had ever kissed her hand quite like that before. In fact, no one had kissed her hand ever before!
“Come, let us have a coffee and get to know each other.” Loverboy led her to a nearby Starbucks.
Michelle couldn’t believe what was happening to her. She had come to Vancouver for a job interview with Gorply Cable Systems and to visit her old friend, Emily Luther. She never imagined that she would find her destiny in the form of a man wearing red leather pants. The rain poured down, but Michelle barely noticed.
“I would LOVE to!” she exclaimed, a little more forcefully than she meant to.
Loverboy only smiled at her exuberance. “I’m glad.” He said simply, taking Michelle’s hand in his. Together, they walked into the Starbucks and began a new chapter of their lives.
Unbeknownst to the new lovers, a shadowy figure was watching them from a sex shop window across the street. A cackling noise emanated from the figure’s pocket. A couple of sleazy old men searching for lumber fetish porn, looked up at the shadowy figure. The figure swore and turned away, pulling a walkie-talkie out of its pocket.
“Is the plan in motion?” a disembodied voice demanded.
“Yes, it is master.” The shadowy figure breathed into the talkie.
“Excellent. Return to my lair at once. We have much to discuss.”
“Roger,” the figure hissed and turned off the walkie-talkie. The figure slithered unnoticed from the sex shop and began walking down the street at a brisk pace. It passed the window where Michelle and Loverboy were laughing over their Frappuccinos. The figure hissed at them as it passed. Laugh all you want. Enjoy it while you can. Soon, your laughter will be stifled FOREVER!!! The figure cackled to itself maniacally as it walked down the street, ignoring the frightened looks it generated from passersby. They were mere pissants. Soon they would realize their own insignificance.
Chapter 1
Michelle Gatien was walking down Granville Street, when she saw him. She couldn’t believe her eyes. He was the sexiest being she had ever seen in her life. He was wearing an unusual outfit, but that only enhanced his appeal. Although he was in his late forties and was slightly rotund, his figure was definitely flattered by the skin-tight red leather pants he wore. His silky black shirt was partially unbuttoned, revealing a sparkly gold and diamond chain, slightly buried in his chest fur. His curly brown hair was styled in an afroesque fashion, and a bright red sweatband strategically placed on his forehead completed the look. Their eyes met, and Michelle’s body convulsed with a jolt of electricity. She found herself walking towards him. She didn’t make a habit of just walking up to strange men on the street, but she found she had no control over herself. It was as if the man had a giant magnet in his pocket: a magnet of lust that drew her closer and closer to him. Before she could completely process what was happening, she was standing before him. They stood facing each other less than a foot apart in the crowded street. Say something! She urged herself. If she didn’t act quickly, the moment would be lost forever!
“Hi, I’m Michelle.” She breathed in awe.
The man smiled. “Hello, Michelle. My name’s Mike, but you can call me Loverboy.” He took her hand in his and raised it to his lips.
Michelle swooned. No one had ever kissed her hand quite like that before. In fact, no one had kissed her hand ever before!
“Come, let us have a coffee and get to know each other.” Loverboy led her to a nearby Starbucks.
Michelle couldn’t believe what was happening to her. She had come to Vancouver for a job interview with Gorply Cable Systems and to visit her old friend, Emily Luther. She never imagined that she would find her destiny in the form of a man wearing red leather pants. The rain poured down, but Michelle barely noticed.
“I would LOVE to!” she exclaimed, a little more forcefully than she meant to.
Loverboy only smiled at her exuberance. “I’m glad.” He said simply, taking Michelle’s hand in his. Together, they walked into the Starbucks and began a new chapter of their lives.
Unbeknownst to the new lovers, a shadowy figure was watching them from a sex shop window across the street. A cackling noise emanated from the figure’s pocket. A couple of sleazy old men searching for lumber fetish porn, looked up at the shadowy figure. The figure swore and turned away, pulling a walkie-talkie out of its pocket.
“Is the plan in motion?” a disembodied voice demanded.
“Yes, it is master.” The shadowy figure breathed into the talkie.
“Excellent. Return to my lair at once. We have much to discuss.”
“Roger,” the figure hissed and turned off the walkie-talkie. The figure slithered unnoticed from the sex shop and began walking down the street at a brisk pace. It passed the window where Michelle and Loverboy were laughing over their Frappuccinos. The figure hissed at them as it passed. Laugh all you want. Enjoy it while you can. Soon, your laughter will be stifled FOREVER!!! The figure cackled to itself maniacally as it walked down the street, ignoring the frightened looks it generated from passersby. They were mere pissants. Soon they would realize their own insignificance.
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