"God, I feel good," murmured Alex, as he caressed Philseecopter's door handle. "Thank you so much for that wonderful ride."
"I second that," groaned Munroe. "Philseecopter, you are one hot helicopter. Listen boys, I have to go inside and clean myself up before Ms. Warner gets home. I don't think she would take too kindly to me serving her dinner wearing nothing but a poopy diaper!"
Munroe made his way inside, while Alex and Philsee basked in the sun and relaxed on the roof of the condo. Philseecopter found himself drifting off to sleep, when suddenly he heard a noise that sounded a bit like a rat puking. He opened his eyes and saw that a shadowy figure, wearing a black cloak and smelling a bit like charred fish guts, was holding a rag over Alex's face. Alex was twitching and gagging, and drool was gushing out of his mouth and nose. Philsee saw with horror that the figure was holding two other limp bodies, which looked alarmingly like Seana Mullen and Kate Luther. Philseecopter was appalled.
Before Philsee could say anything, the figure pulled an AK-47 out of the folds of its cloak and pointed it at Philsee's head. "Do as I say if you want to live," the figure hissed, droplets of rank-smelling spit spewing from its gaping maw.
The figure roughly opened Philsee's rear door and shoved the three limp, drooling bodies into Philseecopter's back cargo area. The figure then climbed into Philsee's front seat, rolled down the window, and leaned his torso out so that he could still point the gun at Philsee's head.
"Now, you silly human helicopter," hissed the figure. "Fly to the residence of those pissants Emily Luther and Dave Whiteley."
Philseecopter began to cry. How could this be happening? Who was this horrible shadowy figure and what did he want with them? But he had no choice but to do what the figure asked. He could only hope that Bilby would return from Botswana soon and rescue them. And hopefully he would have that magic wand so that Philsee could finally cease being a helicopter.
When they arrived at Emily and Dave's place, the figure forced Philsee to land on the roof and start calling their names, so that they would come out on the roof. When they appeared, the figure did the same thing he had done to the others - gagged them with chloroform-covered rags and threw them into the back of Philseecopter.
"Now, Philby, or whatever in Sam Hill your name is, copter," hissed the figure. "Fly southeast, towards Texas."
Philseecopter reluctantly did what the figure said. He wondered how long his friends would be unconscious. He was terrified at the thought of where they might be going. He had heard scary things about Texas.
After a couple of hours, when they were flying over northern Idaho, Philsee heard a cracking sound coming from the shadowy figure's pocket.
The figure pulled a walkie talkie out of his pocket and started hissing into it sickeningly. "Masssster?"
"Do you have all the pissants?" boomed a southern-drawled voice from the walkie-talkie.
"Yesss master, I have Seana, Kate, Alex, Emily and Dave, just like you asked," said the figure.
"And Andrea Warner, correct?" asked the voice.
"Bloody fucking hell!!!" yelled the shadowy figure. "I forgot Andrea. I'll have to go back. Jesus Murphy!"
"You can't go back, there's not enough time, you imbecile," boomed the voice, sounding angry. "Our colleague is going to arrive soon with the Botswana contingent. We will just have to proceed with the plan without Ms. Warner. You will pay for this, you idiot."
"Yes master, I am sorry," the figure muttered bitterly.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
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