Hurlyburly - The Continuing Tragic Saga - Chapter 13

"Darling... we are about to land. Wake up, my lovely lioness." Loverboy's silky smooth voice reverberated in her ear.

"Oh, I must have dozed off." Michelle muttered. She looked out the window, and saw the hot desert landscape below. But, there was something kind of odd. There appeared to be a large statue of a giant pineapple in the center of the village. Michelle leaned closer, trying to get a better look. It was no ordinary pineapple, it was a statue of a man who looked like a pineapple. Michelle was somewhat bewildered. Her bewilderment quickly turned into revulsion when she noticed the giant penis dangling between the pineapple-man's legs. The member had to be at least 20 feet long... and if her memory of her studies of the culinary arts served her correctly, it appeared to be made out of pineapple! "Loverboy, what the hell is that monstrosity?!?"

"It is no monstrosity, my lilac-breasted budgie. It is a representation of the god Pineappleocoles, a most powerful and revered deity. He is the true father of us all, for we came from the soil of the earth, like the delicious fruit we ingest each and every day. Everytime you eat a bit of pineapple, you are ingesting a piece of our bona fide saviour. Soon, you will meet some good friends of mine, and they will be able to explain all to you, my fragile flower. I think you will like it in Bobtercock."

"Ooookaaayyy, then." Michelle sighed and turned away. Loverboy was acting very strangely. Michelle wondered if she was truly in love with him. A high pitched beeping noise emanated from the direction of Loverboy's crotch. "What is that awful noise?"

Loverboy pulled a ping pong paddle out of his pocket and began slapping his crotch until the shrill sound subsided. "Oh, never mind that. It's only my cock-ring."

Michelle sighed contentedly. Her apprehension had suddenly melted away. Bobtercock looked like a very nice place, and what an interesting landmark! If Vegreville could have a giant egg, then, why shouldn't Bobtercock have a pineapple/man/god with a colossal penis? Michelle snuggled up to Loverboy, and amused herself by fingering his chest fur, as the plane touched down and taxied over to the Bobtercock Airport. They were just getting ready to disembark when a strange little man with a hunchback approached them. He was dressed in a pilot's uniform, but he had a jaunty red beret on his head instead of a pilot's hat.

"G'day, me hearties!" he exclaimed in a strong Australian accent. "The captain has asked to see you both a moment before you take your leave."

"This is highly irregular." Loverboy interjected.

"Oh, it will only take a moment. Captain Lee says that the lady here is friendly with his wife. He wants to say hello!"

"It's Lee! Well, of course we'll come and say hello. I want him to meet you darling!" Michelle pulled Loverboy over towards the cockpit and knocked on the door.

"Enter," an authoritative-like voice boomed from within.

Michelle opened the door and stepped into the cockpit. To her surprise, it appeared to be empty. "Lee?" she asked, tentatively. The next thing she knew, she felt a sharp pain in the back of her head and all went black.

Some time later, Michelle awoke. She was alarmed to notice that she was tied up, and lying on the floor of the cockpit. Loverboy was lying next to her. He still appeared to be unconscious.

Michelle turned her head slightly, trying to ignore the throbbing agony on the back of her skull. She could see Lee sitting in the pilot's seat. They did not appear to have taken off yet. He was talking to someone in a walkie-talkie.

"Yes, sir, we have secured the two subjects you were looking for. Is there any other instructions?"

The walkie-talkie crackled, and a familiar, soothing yet somehow menacing voice boomed in response: "Well, my sources tell me that there are two more pissants that need to be gathered at your present location. There's that pissant, Bilby and his new accomplice Rasta-Dawg, otherwise known as Brice Luther."

Michelle had to suppress a gasp, upon hearing Brice's name.

Lee sighed angrily. "So, our colleague wasn't able to secure Brice's services for us, I take it?"

"Fuck, no! I don't know what's wrong with my faithful servant. That dunderhead even forgot Andrea Warner! His behaviour has gotten more bizarre lately. I may have to arrange for some counselling after this is all over. If you understand my meaning."

"Got it. I'll send Jimbo out to fetch the other two, and then we'll be on our way to Texas. I'll see what I can do to rectify the Warner situation. Our hostages may be willing to help us in that regard...or else, they'll be nothing but a bunch of meat puppets."

"Sounds like a plan! Philly, over and out."

"Roger." Lee shut off the walkie-talkie and lect the cockpit.

Michelle couldn't believe what the fuck was going on. She knew who Lee was speaking to; she knew him very well. She had to get a message to Andrea Warner. But, how?