Hurlyburly - The Continuing Tragic Saga - Chapter 14

"Like a virgin...HEY! Touched for the very first time..."

Andrea and Greg were singing at the top of their lungs to a Madonna CD as Andrea deftly weaved her car through heavy traffic on Georgia Street. Andrea was feeling a little lonely without Bilby, and she had invited Greg over for dinner and a game of scrabble to keep her company.

"God, this traffic is ludicrous," Andrea sighed. "Oh well, we should be there pretty soon, what do you want me to get Munroe to make for supper?"

"Hmm, I don't know, maybe some lasagna or something?" Greg said. "Oh God, please tell me Philseecopter isn't going to be there!"

"Hein?" Andrea said. "Are you two having problems?"

"Well yeah," replied Greg. "I am planning to break up with him as soon as I can find the right moment. I just can't handle dating a helicopter anymore, we never even have sex!"

"Oh no," said Andrea. "I totally understand how you feel Greg, but I am going to have to feed him soooooo mcuh ice cream to comfort him after you dump him."

"I know Andrea, I am so sorry but I have to do it," Greg said. "Besides, I met someone else, the lead singer from Loverboy, and I think I might be falling in love with him."

"Are you serious Greg?" Andrea said, laughing. "You know Loverboy totally sucks though, right?

"What are you talking about, they ROCK!" Greg yelled.

"Okay then," replied Andrea sarcastically. "Well Philsee probably will be there, but he'll be on the roof. I just won't tell him that you're over.

"Thanks, I appreciate it," Greg said. "I just want to eat and play scrabble in peace."

Finally, a few minutes later, they arrived at Andrea's condo. There was a bright yellow RV parked in her usual parking spot, so they parked the car a block down and headed upstairs. When Andrea opened the condo door, the first thing she noticed was the smell of fresh feces in the air.

"Munroe? Are you there?" she called.

"Madam!!! Thank God you're home!" Munroe yelled as he ran into the front entranceway from the kitchen. "I don't know what to do, something horrible has happened!"

Andrea noticed that Munroe's butler uniform seemed wrinkled and tattered, and it had brown stains all over it. She wondered with alarm if that was where the fecal odor was coming from.

"Calm down, Munroe," Andrea said. "What in Sam Hill is going on?"

"Master Philseecopter and Alex have been kidnapped!" He shouted. "They were on the roof, I went inside to change, and when I went back up to the roof, they were gone, and all that was left was a chloroform covered rag and this strange purse."

He held up a large grey Puma brand bag. "There's no way they went for another ride, we had all just gone on a ride and were exhausted! When I went downstairs, Philseecopter was falling asleep!"

"That's Emily's purse, what the hell!?" Andrea said. "Okay Munroe, slow down and explain to me what happened. Who was this Alex you were talking about? Not Alex MacDougall?"

"Why yes, I believe his last name was MacDougall," Munroe said.

"What the hell was he doing here?" Andrea asked. "I never gave you permission to have visitors?! I didn't know you even knew Alex!"

"I'm so sorry, Ma'am," Munroe said, his cheeks blushing a bright pink. "I had some free time in the afternoon, so I called the escort agency...come to think of it my escort never did arrive..."

"You invited an escort into my home!?" Andrea shouted. "Okay we'll deal with that later, but you still haven't explained what the fuck Alex was doing here!"

"He came over to speak to you, milady," Munroe explained. "But we...well, we kind of hit it off, and then he met Master Philseecopter and...well, one thing led to another..."

"Are you trying to tell me you had a...a threesome with Alex and Philseecopter!?" Andrea giggled a bit in spite of herself. Greg looked horrified.

"Yes'm," said Munroe. "I am truly sorry I defied your authority, it shan't happen again. But I am very worried about Philsee and Alex, I believe they have been kidnapped."

"This is appalling," Andrea said. "I wonder if this purse means Emily is in trouble too!"

Andrea took her cell phone out of her pocket and attempted to call Emily. All she heard was a message saying "This cellular user is currently out of the range of our service. Please try again later."

"We are going to have to get to the bottom of this!" Andrea said firmly.

Just then, Andrea noticed a text message appear on her cell phone. She took a look, and saw that it said "Your friends are in big trouble in Texas, bring weapons, do not trust Lee."

"Holy mackerel Andy," Andrea whispered. She checked to see where it had been sent from, and instead of a cell number, there was text saying "Official Air Canada Communication, Botswana Division"

"That's odd," she said. "Lee works for Air Canada. But the message said not to trust Lee? What the fuck is going on?"

"I don't know Ms. Warner," replied Munroe.

"I hope Philseecopter is okay," Greg said, a tear running down his cheek. "I guess he must have known I was planning on breaking up with him, and decided to cheat on me with you and Alex. Can't say I blame him."

"I need to get on the next flight to Texas," Andrea said. "Would you like to come with me Greg?"

"You bet your a-hole I do, Andrea."