Hurlyburly - The Continuing Tragic Saga - Chapter 8

"I look fucking hot."

Alex MacDougall was in the back of his bright yellow vintage motorhome, appraising his appearance in a full-length mirror. His long black hair was artfully woven into a french braid, with the bangs curled 80s style, and he had expertly applied blue mascara and eyeshadow to emphasize his gorgeous blue eyes. Shiny pink lipstick accentuated his sultry lips.

He finished doing up a frilly white blouse, and then went to get the piece that would perfectly finish the outfit. It was a deluxe bright blue bath towel that he had bought specially for this occasion. He wrapped it around his lean waist, after thouroughly greasing his dick with garlic butter. He had learned from experience that it not only lubricated, but also accentuated the flavour of fresh penis. Of course, he wore no underwear under the towel.

Satisfied with his appearance, Alex climbed into the front seat of the RV and started driving towards the West End condo Andrea Warner shared with Billy Bob Thornton.

Alex had known Andrea for years, and he had always been attracted to her, but in the past week or so, for some reason, the attraction had turned into a lustful obsession. He knew she was in a relationship with Billy Bob Thornton, and he had no intention of taking her away from him. On the contrary, he had heard that Billy Bob was quite sexually liberated, and he was hoping for a threesome.

Alex parked the motorhome in front of the building, and to help with his courage, he pulled a bottle of absinthe out of the glove compartment and took a swig. He got out of the vehicle and brought the bottle with him. He figured Andrea and Billy Bob might want some too. It would definitely enhance the threesome experience.

Alex pressed the buzzer and was pleasantly surprised to be let in immediately. When he got up to the top floor, he knocked on the door. When it opened, he saw a man in his mid-60s or so, completely naked except for a baby bonnet on his head and a skimpy diaper around his groin area. He had a baby's soother in his mouth.

"Awe you my mommy?" said the man in a babyish voice tinged with a British accent.

Alex was at first intrigued, and then a bit alarmed.

"Um, I'm sorry, sir, I must have the wrong apartment," Alex muttered. "I'll just be going now."

"You're not from the escort agency?" the man had stopped talking in the baby voice and was now speaking in a very prestigious British accent. "I asked for a drag queen to pretend to be my mommy. What the hell?"

"Um, no, I'm afraid I was looking for Andrea Warner," Alex said. He noticed with alarm that there was a substantial erection propping up the front of the diaper.

"I'm so sorry, I am Ms. Warner and Master Bilby's butler, Munroe. Please wait here and I will change into my proper attire. I was not expecting anyone except for my escort."

"Don't worry about it, Munroe," Alex said good-naturedly. "I kind of like the outfit you're wearing. But does that mean Andrea's not home?"

"I'm afraid not," Munroe said. "They left about an hour ago for the airport, they are going to Botswana. The only person here is Master Philseecopter, and he is on the roof, of course. In fact, I should probably go up there and make sure he's doing okay. Would you like to come with me?"

"Philseecopter? Who is Philseecopter?" Alex asked.

"Oh, you don't know about Philsee?" Munroe said tentatively. "Well, you've heard of the actor Philip Seymour Hoffman, I presume?"

"Fuckin' A! You have a helicopter made to look like Philip Seymour Hoffman?" Alex screamed. "That is awesome!"

"Uh, it's not made to look like him, it, well...it is him," Munroe said.

"Hein?" Alex was confused.

"Come up and see for yourself," Munroe said.

When they got up on the roof, Alex was amazed at the gorgeous view. And when he saw what was up there, he was even more amazed. Munroe hadn't been lying. It was Philip Seymour Hoffman, and he was a helicopter.

"Thank god, Munroe, I was getting sooooo bored," Philseecopter said. "Did you wear that outfit for me? That's pretty hot. And who is this fine specimen?"

"Hi there Philsee, my name is Alex MacDougall," Alex said seductively, staring into Philsee's eyes. "I'm, uh, a friend of Andrea's. It's very, very nice to meet you!"

Alex and Philseecopter stared at each other for another minute or so.

"Oh where are my manners!" Philseecopter finally said. "I was just so entranced by your beautiful blue eyes and that dazzling outfit. Would you like to go for a ride Alex? And I mean that in more ways than one."

"I would love to!" Alex screamed. "I've always wanted to fuck in a helicopter over the North Shore mountains. Now I can do both at once!"

"Hop in," Philseecopter said seductively.

Alex pulled the bottle of absinthe out of his blouse's breast pocket. "How about some of this before we take off?"

"Hell yes Alex, bring that over here!" Philseecopter said.

Alex sauntered up to Philseecopter's head, and started dumping the absinthe down the helicopter's gullet. Then Alex got an even better idea. He bent over, inserted the absinthe bottle into his anus, filled his anal cavity with the liquor, then put his anal opening up to Philsee's mouth. Philsee moaned in pleasure as he drank down the firey liquid.

"Okay, I can't take it anymore," Philseecopte said after a few minutes of this. "Get into my body right now so I can take you for the ride of your life."

"Hey, can I come too?" Munroe asked shyly, reverting back into the baby voice. "My escort never showed up and I'm horny as hell. I piddled, and I need someone to change my diaper!"

"It's fine with me if it's fine with Alex," Philseecopter said.

"Sure, why the hell not," said Alex.

"Well then both of you hop in, whip out your pee pees and get ready for the best and most scenic sex you've ever had!" Philseecopter yelled. "Eat your heart out, Greg."

Alex felt a shiver of arousal as he climed inside of Philseecopter. Hell, he thought to himself. It definitely wasn't the threesome he had been expecting, but it would be a threesome to remember nonetheless.